2017 – 031 The Perfect Pension Party

I have been asked to resurrect the Perfect pension Party.

If you think it still has legs please comment.

I have now realised that Gordon Brown is trashing my future pension. I have decided to start this Party to get me a good pension.
 TO THE GOOD PEOPLE OF ELTHAM from Mick Greenhough        Feb 2003

I am minded to stand as the MP for Eltham (now Orpington) in the next general election and would ask you to vote for me when that time comes. Please copy this and pass it to other Eltham voters.         (This should now read ‘Please copy and pass to other Orpington voters’ now – thank you)

Why do I want to become an MP?

My primary reason is that the pension scheme for an MP is just about the best there is.

The salary and other perks are also very good – such as free parking, exemption from the London Congestion charge, all expenses paid jollies and the right to Q jump at the local NHS hospital – but above all it is the pension that attracts me the most.

Why, I hear you ask, should you vote for me on that basis.

Well you must consider the alternatives.

  1. You may decide not to vote at all. Your choice but someone will certainly be elected and they will then get the pension and all those desirable perks by your default.
  2. You may decide vote for one of the rival candidates.  Be warned though – they are professional politicians who usually tell a load of porky pies just to get your vote.  They will also make a lot of promises that they cannot, or will not, fulfill. They often have hidden personal agendas; kept secret until elected and it is too late for you to change your mind.  They will get the pension and desirable perks on the back of all those brittle promises

iii.                  Basically someone is going to get the pension and perks however you use your vote.        They don’t deserve them whereas I do.

  1. You will also acquire a warm, inner glow of self-satisfaction that comes from knowing you have helped at least one person to receive a decent, bombproof pension.

What will I do if elected?  


I am not planning to do very much actually.        So, what will be the point of me being your MP?

  1. It is quite clear to me that however mildly awkward a situation may have been the government has usually managed to turn any such problem into a chaotic farce.

e.g.       The Millennium Dome, school exams, university entry and fees, firearms, railways, road transport, the National Health Service, the Mayor of London, the Underground, human rights, policing, immigration, sentencing and early release of criminals, foot and mouth, farming, fishing, the Lottery, Wembly Stadium, Lords reform, EU and the euro referendum – I could go on and on and on……… It would not be unreasonable to describe them as ‘institutionally incompetent’.

By doing nothing I may not improve the situation but I certainly won’t make it any worse.

  1. Anyway lots of other MPs do very little and even those that are quite energetic achieve next to nothing so I certainly will not be alone.

The problem of election expenses.

 The law limits me to a relatively small amount that I can spend on getting elected but even this is more than I can afford.

  1. I am considering an Internet web site to subtly promote the impression that I am up with modern technology. While this is quite inexpensive there will still be costs and not everyone can access the Internet.

iii.                  The main parties are going to spend vast sums nationally on monster billboard adverts, TV appearances by the party leaders, Battle-buses with B list celebrities from the world of pop etc. Such general publicity will indirectly promote their local candidates in a very big way. I have been reliably informed (by an unimpeachable source) that The Labour Party is apparently planning to spend £19.5million to get re-elected. This vast expenditure and promotion at national level will give the local Labour candidate an enormous advantage over me. (likewise the other national parties with their local candidates of course).


I cannot hope to compete with that so I am forming a group called MICK’S TOADIES.

 A TOADIE will be someone who wishes to assist me to become elected (see The Team.) knowing that I cannot reward them directly – but what will they get in return and how?

  1. There is a possibility (though probably not a probability) that if I am elected there could be a hung parliament – with me holding the balance of power. If this does happen then I should be able horse-trade to get my TOADIES some of the very lucrative and influential appointments on offer, such as Lord Chancellor, head of the BBC, etc. There are dozens and dozens of these jobs and they all have really excellent salaries, secure pensions, free car parking places etc and lots of scope to be as bossy as you like with virtually no accountability.

iii.                  Certainly they will be required as essential advisers on any overseas jollies that I can get on.

  1. They will have helped to promote a better, more dignified Britain and a good pension for me.
  2. Potential TOADIES please see Sits. Vac. and apply to the mobile phone or e-mail below.

What do I mean by a ‘porky pie’?

Well when politicians are required to reply to a relevant question they very rarely actually LIE. What they do is give various types of ‘porky pies’. (One important attribute of a ‘porky pie’ is that it should, if possible, be ambiguous and never contain anything specific that can be referred to at a later date).

Type    pp 1     Answer a question they haven’t been asked so their reply is absolutely true but quite useless.

pp 2     They are ‘unavailable for comment’.

pp 3     Their answer is such that it is quite impossible to make any sense of it whatsoever.

pp 4     Carefully select and edit a group of true facts, grossly overstate some, grossly understate others and significantly omit one or two that are critical to the veracity of the resulting statement. While such a reply consists of entirely true facts and true statements in practical terms it might just as well a blatant lie.

This, of course, is part of ‘spin doctoring’. Personally I will favour type pp 3 whenever possible as this comes naturally to me.

Why do I want to become the MP for Eltham and not the MP for where I live?

The good people of Eltham do not know me but in my area many people do and they may feel that due to my modesty, good looks, sensitive nature and deep wisdom that I would be quite unsuitable as an MP.

Follow the maxim ‘Always vote for the ass you don’t know rather than the one you do’ – you cannot then, in all fairness, blame yourself if the result is not what you hoped for.

 Mick Greenhough (The Peoples Choice) –        a new breed of, charismatic, glamorous and trendy prospective  Members of Parliament – a GlamaMP                Feb 2003

Contact                        0780 134 1476    j.greenhough@ntlworld.com

The Team (so far)

Giles Killick  – ‘Lifestyle’ Guru:

Tony Slinn  – Spin doctor:

Merv Russen – Artistic Director:

Gill King Scott – Floral Stylist:

Glyn Dyer – Official Druid:

Sandra Oliver- Fashion Consultant and Shirt Designer,

Roz Burton – Stress Councilor:

Steve BurtonCommitment Optimizer,

Brian Oliver – Tonsorial Confidante:

Biff Harrison – Musical Luminary

Pam Ford – Celebrity Jesterette

Dave Moore – Shaman and Black Arts Adviser

Val Bowley – Literary agent and Public Relations


Sits. Vac., Patois Nark, IT Nurd, Dietitian, Personal Trainer, Financial Manipulator,

Religious Persuavant, Yoof Moderator, Close Quarter Protection,

Expences and Claims Adviser – I am hoping to recruit Keith Vaz  MP to this post.

Ethnic Framework Normaliser, Used Car Salesman.


Questions       Oh dear – I am being asked questions. I was hoping that this would not happen – however if this is what I have to do to get an MPs’ pension then so be it.

Your questions answered   e-mail your question to mickgreenhough@yahoo.co.uk

Advice welcome – but please keep it sensible.

Q1.      Dear Mick      What would you do about the traffic congestion in towns and cities then?

I would prohibit all such persons as politicians, civil servants (all inclusive such as Arts Council, Education, Whitehall, Quangos, HSE etc), local authority and National Health Service personnel etc. over the pay grade of manager (say Major equivalent) from using their personal car, pool cars or subordinates cars for commuting to work or during official activities. They may only use public transport. Taxies or minicabs may be used but only the bus fare mileage rate may be claimed as expenses. Not only would that relieve road congestion and release many vital parking spaces but would be the greatest possible incentive to improve public transport. It would also significantly reduce the amount of onsite managerial interference and enable most jobs to progress more smoothly.

Q2.      Dear Mick      How would you modernize the House of Lords?

The House of Lords is full of failed politicians, lickspittles, political toadies who have bought their way in with donations to political parties and not a few who should be in prison.

I would have the House of Lords consist of 500 members randomly selected from the Jury List with one hundred leaving each year and replaced with one hundred more from the Jury List.

Jury Listers are considered wise enough to decide the fate of an accused murderer so they should be certainly wise enough to be in the Lords. Let’s face it they could not be worse than what we have now.

Q3.      Dear Mick      How would you stop truancy and classroom disruption?

I would allow those who did not like school to leave early and they may do so on the following basis

Those who wish to leave early may do so at 14 if:

  1. If they have a job to go to or a properly structured training scheme leading to certification.
  2. They achieve a suitable level in the three Rs.

iii.                  This will give them a big incentive to learn something in order to leave school early.

  1. It will remove many of the disruptive elements from the classrooms.
  2. It will reduce the over crowding in classrooms
  3. Removing the disruptive elements will encourage many teachers to return to the classroom and reduce their stress level considerably.

vii.                The early leavers can retain 2 years of free education that can be taken up ay any time later in life

  1. The Board of Governors of a school to consist only of parents of children at that school.
  2. Guest Governors could be accepted but only at the invitation of the parent Governors.
  3. Board of Appeal to consist only of parents from school governors of schools remote from the conflict.

This will help to ensure that kids who have no interest in school and desperately wish to leave early will have a big incentive to achieve a basic level in the 3 Rs so that they can.

They will not be in a classroom causing disruption and distracting the other students who wish to study.

The chances of nut cases (who don’t have to live with the consequences of their decisions) getting onto the boards of governors or the boards of appeal would be greatly reduced.

I would also give all the education funds directly to the school heads and if they decide that they need the assistance from the Town Hall Education Office then they can purchase that expertise at their discretion.

 Q4.      Dear Mick – what would you do about the European Court of Human Rights and their eccentric decisions.

Europe has a terrible history of abuse of human rights that, generally, Britain has been spared. The basic concept ECHR is great and is a consequence of that European history but it completely fails to couple Human Rights directly with Human Responsibilities.

i.e. you have a basic human right to play loud music out of an open window at 3 a.m. in the morning but an equal (probably far greater in fact) human responsibility not to annoy your neighbours.

The ECHR is used far more as a golden key by lawyers to get into the taxpayers purse than to ensure the rights of the public.

I would withdraw from automatic acceptance of their directives and only make it British law after it has been properly discussed and ratified by our own parliament and appropriate human responsibilities have been included.

Q5.      Dear Mick                  what would you do about overcrowding in the prisons?

There are, it is reported, some 2200 Nigerians in UK prisons.

We can contract out their incarceration to Nigeria in a similar way to the contracting out of Call Centre jobs from UK to overseas

We could build a new prison for them in Nigeria. This would immediately reduce the overcrowding by 2200.

This new prison would be staffed entirely by local Nigerians who are an excellent workforce of compassionate and dedicated people who will make excellent custodians.

iii.                  The costs there would be minimal compared to those in the UK.

  1. It would provide a local income that would be very welcome in a land of unemployment.
  2. The prisoners would be much closer to their families and it will be far easier for them to go home after their sentence has been completed.
  3. There are very competent Nigerian solicitors there when needed and on a very much lower hourly rate that the prisoners can easily afford. If the prisoner has no money then the Nigerian government or the UN could finance their legal representation.

vii.                This principle could operate for other nationalities where the operating costs (in their land of origin) are far lower than here.

Q6.      Dear Mick      what would you do about early release of criminals and secretly putting mentally disturbed criminals in council estates.

It would seem that a large proportion of prisoners are in prison due to drug related crime and/or through lack of adequate education and training for a productive job. They are often very disturbed people.

Drug addiction is an illness and drug supplying is a crime and they need to be treated quite differently.

Lack of proper education or job training is a failure of the individual, their family and the education system.

Convicted drug addicts should not be in prison but in a secure rehabilitation unit.

Incarceration should consist of three parts – retribution, repentance and rehabilitation.

They are in prison because they have broken the law.

Early release should be directly coupled to their understanding that they have done wrong and are repentant.

Every effort should be made to ensure that their stay in prison is used to improve their education and to provide them with a trade/certification so that they can support themselves when they leave prison. (With the provision to continue the education/training after release from prison)

There are many retired tradesmen, teachers etc who would be glad of earning a bit of extra income to pass on their skills and help the inmates to become useful members of the community.

Early release should also be directly linked to their returning of any proceeds of their criminal activities.

We need a range of prisons so that prisoners who buckled down to serve their time and prepare themselves for release would go to a prison with additional concessions and privileges. Prisoners who caused trouble would be moved to prisons where the privileges are much reduced until their behaviour improved.

These prisoners who are incorrigible and unrepentant should be housed in totally separate prisons.

They should be required to sort household rubbish on a line as part of small teams. Depending upon the amount of rubbish they sort they can, as a team, earn points the get a phone call a week, TV with a limited number of programmes and other privileges with a small wage.

Unstable criminals and mentally ill patients, such as child molesters, serial rapists, persistently violent persons, who are deemed, by a panel of experts, to be suitable and safe for release back in the community and then secretly housed within the community. They must be housed less than 1/4 mile (or 1/2 kilometer) of where a member of that panel of experts lives or where their children or grandchildren live.  That way the ‘experts’ will have a very personal interest in ensuring the validity of their opinions before they release such persons.

Council estates often have more than enough problems without having these persons hidden there as well.

Victim support groups should have a direct input to advise and influence the panel of experts.

Another major problem is the non-payment of fines (for criminals that is – not motorists).

  1. Wherever possible, and suitable, I would give the convicted offender the option of a fine instead of prison.
  2. Until the fine is paid in full they would remain in prison (remand type?)

iii.                  The solicitor/council for the defence would be responsible for collecting the fine and paying it into the court.

Q7.      Dear Mick – what would you do to help the small businesses that cannot get their invoices paid on time.

There is a current law that lets you charge interest on an outstanding invoice. However it requires the claimant to spend time and money chasing his invoice. If you cannot get the invoice paid then you will have even less chance of collecting any interest due. To force the issue will also compromise your future relations, and any future work, with the client.

My solution would be that any invoice not cleared after 28 days (i.e. the money is in the bank and available for use) will become subject to another 17.5% VAT to be directly collected from the invoice customer. And then at every 28 day interval thereafter.

This should be very attractive to The Treasury. The extra VAT will be collected – there can be no doubt about that.

  1. The incentive for the company accountant to keep the money in his company account to earn a bit more interest or use it as an interest free loan is overwhelmed by the loss in paying extra VAT. His incentive is then to pay up as soon as possible within the 28 days.

iii.                  It will remove any potential conflict and bad feelings between the two parties.

  1. It will require no action on the part of the company waiting for payment.
  2. If the use of the term VAT is a problem then call it by any other name. i.e. LPT (late payment tax) but must still be collected by the VATmen.

Q8.      Dear Mick  – what would you do about all the asylum seekers such as those massing in Calais.

I would open an office in the British Consul in Paris as the only place where they can be processed. Any that manage to smuggle themselves into UK will have to return to Paris for processing. If they are assessed as acceptable asylum seekers they will then get the appropriate permission to have temporary work permit to stay in the UK that has to be renewed each year. As soon as their land of origin is deemed safe they would be assisted to return.

  1. Those that do not have passports or documents should be given a United Nations ID card with their details on (and be the responsibility of the UN) so that when their country of origin can be determined and is deemed safe they can return.
  2. I would also open offices in Brussels as the only place where asylum and immigrants can have their applications processed.

Q9.      Dear Mick  – What would you do about all the ‘speed humps’ in the roads and Gatso cameras

I would slice the humps off, turn them upside down and use them to fill in all the potholes so that we could have decent roads once again. (i.e. – if there are funds available to put down – or is that ‘up’ – humps then that money should be first spent on repairing the roads)

  1. Gatso cameras etc. are part of spin claiming to ‘reduce traffic accidents’. They are, however, symptomatic of the intense irritation of the self appointed priggish elite that ordinary people have got cars when such wonderful status symbols should be reserved exclusively for them.
  2. Un-elected civil servants decide what traffic-calming options are to be implemented and where to site them. Usually they do not, personally, have to suffer the consequences of their decisions. Their motives seem often more to do with raising cash for the council and spiting motorists than reducing traffic risk.
  3. I would establish local road safety authorities of representatives of the motorists, pedestrians, cyclists, motorcyclists, police, public transport, disabled travelers, traffic wardens and any other group who could justify their inclusion (with filters to weed out self appointed activists). The local council rep would only be there as an observer but without any executive power other than to implement the decisions of this RSA. The chairman would also be elected from the committee members.
  4. This committee would review all existing, and consider any new, road safety options. They would have full control of all of the funding and have the necessary authority to order the removal of any inappropriate traffic calming options and to establish them where they would be more suitable and effective.
  5. They would also have authority over all public and civic parking facilities, traffic wardens, local traffic regulations and have full operational control within their area.
  6. They would issue licenses (and have the authority to withdraw them) to companies that are sub contracted to enforce parking controls and also to be the sole arbiter of any parking or motoring infringement appeals, (except private parking not contracted out).

Q 10.   Mick – what would you do about all the Health Tourists and illegal immigrants exploiting our NHS?

I would require that all visitors to this country to carry suitable comprehensive insurance (or confirmation that their country of origin will refund any health costs they incur) to cover them in the case of illness or they will be refused entry. This would be checked on boarding along with the passport or the travel company accepts liability. If no insurance then this must be acquired prior to boarding at journey start. Insurance companies to be required to sell suitable policies to cover health/accident costs on the outside of the passport control at competitive rates.

  1. Those who arrive without, and cannot get, insurance cover will be the responsibility of their Consulate or of a voluntary body run by the all the churches, and any other concerned groups, to underwrite their health costs.
  2. This would be an ideal opportunity for the UN to become involved and demonstrate their concern in a very practical way by helping with the financing of this scheme and to provide a UN ID card if they have no passport or other identification.

Q 11    Hi Mick – What do you think of the ‘Tony Martin’ case

             As I understand the history to be. (I may be corrected on this if the following is not so)

  1. Mr. Martin had had his home broken into on several occasions.
  2. The response of the local police was that they did not consider it worth their while to do anything to assist Mr. Martin nor bother to even visit and try to solve the break-ins. The police abandoned him.
  3. When he had another break-in to his house one night he was on his own, he knew that the police were not going to come to his aid, and he was confronted by two men in the dark.
  4. In the ensuing confusion he shot and killed one of the intruders, who turned out to be a 16 year-old boy, and the adult accomplice claimed to be injured but ran away.
  5. Mr. Martin was then prosecuted for murder and sent to prison for life.
  6. When public outcry forced the authorities to reconsider his case and agree to his release the parole (?) committee had the option to release him immediately. They chose to keep Mr. Martin in prison for the maximum time they could as they considered him to be ‘still a danger to burglars’.
  7. The adult that ran off was a habitual criminal who was then given legal aid to sue Mr. Martin for damages for a non-existent injury, as he could no longer pursue his trade as a burglar.

It is of interest to speculate what may well have happened had the 16 yr old killed Mr. Martin instead. As he was only a boy he would have probably got off with 100hrs of community service.

The police would have solved a murder case and their future ‘clear up’ rate would also improve (as there would be no more reported and unsolved break-ins from Mr. Martin). All very good for their annual report.

The whole matter would then be quickly forgotten.

My feeling is that if somebody chooses to live outside of the rule of law and what is generally accepted as civilized behaviour then they forfeit their entitlement to many of the civil rights and privileges enjoyed by those who choose to be law abiding.

I also think that it was a resigning matter for one or more of the senior police of that district, the parole committee and the CPS person who decided to prosecute Mr. Martin and the manager that approved legal aid for the adult burglar.

I think that Mr. Martin was betrayed by the police, the Law, the prison and legal aid authorities and has been treated disgracefully.

Q12   How would you deal with all of the increasing personal debts of everybody

I think that the solution proposed by Clair Short to solve third world debt is the answer. i.e. the third world cannot repay its debts, as there is no money left (most of it is in Swiss bank accounts), so these debts should be cancelled. This is a perfect model for us – if the banks (and their credit card subsidiaries) can cancel the third world debts then they can just as easily cancel ours. This will relieve us of considerable financial burden and stress and will make it easier for us to make personal donations to the third world.

Q13     As any one can use the name Cheddar for cheese why are we not allowed to use the name Champagne for English sparkling wine under EU law?

One of the primary objectives of the EU is to protect French national interests. Only they are entitled to protectionist rules of this sort or to ignore them if they are to their disadvantage.

I think that English sparkling wine should be called SHAMpagne. This will make it quite clear that that it is not the ‘genuine’ article but still a splendid drink.

Q14     Do you think that we should give Gibraltar to Spain for the sake of  harmony in the EU?

I think that before we even consider this we should vigorously agitate for the return of Anjou and Calais to the British/English crown as they were transferred to France under an illegal treaty.

Make it a part of Metropolitan UK rather like Tahiti is part of Metropolitan France.

Q 15    Mick –  do you think that the next Olympics should come to London?

 I am very concerned that the Olympic Games may come to London. We have spent many years trying to eradicate competition from exams, sports and other such elitist attitudes from our schools. The Olympics are the ultimate in competitiveness and elitism and send out completely the wrong message to our youngsters.  That is apart from the appalling cost to be suffered by generations to come.

I think that if London is chosen to host the Games then it should only be with the strict agreement that all the events do not have any competitive element to them. All athletes taking part should be given a medal of equal value – in fact we could post their medals to them in advance and save the cost and inconvenience of them having to travel to London in the first place. The London Olympic Committee could then fully concentrate the primary aspect of the Games – that is the lavish entertaining the officials – undistracted by the unnecessary presence of the athletes.

If we are unfortunate enough to ‘win’ the competition to stage the Olympics then the best solution will be to contract out (or is it outsource?) the whole lot out to India.

Q 16  Mick – what do you think of the banning of home made W. I. cakes from hospitals and Nursing Homes

Well – I was truly shocked to hear that the majority of food poisoning comes from domestic kitchens and that each year there are a number of deaths.

I think that the only solution is to completely ban all food preparation in the home. If it saves just one life it has to be worth it.

Q 17    Mick – How do you think that English football can be improved?

I have given the England Football problem and our lack of success some thought and I think that I have a solution.

Given the outstanding success of the comprehensive system in education and the endless stream of literate, numerate, articulate well adjusted individuals produced then this should be applied to soccer.

The Premier League teams should each consist of a wide spectrum of soccer abilities with at least one disabled player per team. I can elaborate on this considerably but I have full confidence that you will quickly understand the advantages of this without me going further.

Q18     Do you think that cannabis should be legalized as it is clearly impossible to prevent it being smoked?

You seem to be suggesting that as the law, however heavily applied, cannot stop the smoking of cannabis then it should be de-criminalized.

As a concept this is interesting and I suggest that this is tried first out on motorists exceeding the speed limit and parking. A heavy programme of prosecuting the nominally innocent motorists has failed dismally to reduce exceeding the speed limit and parking of cars. The inescapable logic of your concept is that we must decriminalize these activities – I look forward to this happening.

Q 19    What do you think about the British troops in Iraq?

 We desperately need to commission a new regiment to go out there ‘The Queens Own Brussels Busybodies’ – made up of two battalions – one of Health and Safety Inspectors and one of Lawyers.

Between them they could make life so difficult for our troops that any positive action will be impossible.  This will give the government ample evidence of the incompetence of our armed forces so that they can claim justification in transferring them to Europe to be run by the French or Germans.

Q20     Mick – is it true that the British army will have to modify its tanks so that they have wheelchair access?

That may be apocryphal but unfortunately with the barmpots we have implementing Euro law it’s perfectly believable.

However the integration of disabled people as soldiers in not necessarily as daft as it may seem. A wheelchair bound person is probably just as capable as an able bodied pilot to fly a remotely controlled fighter aircraft – or to be a suicide bomber.

We could follow the Olympic Games and have wars only for the handicapped – we could call them the ParaBellums.

Q21     What do you think of all this fox hunting business and ban?

Well – to address this properly would take several pages. However what is clear is that the fox is only an incidental, almost irrelevant, aspect of the argument. Be that as it may we now have the ban.

The main problem is going to be policing the new law. The Police have effectively abandoned the countryside long ago. They are going to have to have a major rethink of this policy as there will be something really serious going on out there now to attract their interest.

At the moment our Police Force is still heavily contaminated with the ‘Dixon of Dock Green’ ethos, but this is being steadily purged.

Updating of the Police has started with the redrafting of their ‘oath of allegiance’ from which all reference to the Queen has been excluded. Suitably politically correct police ‘high flyers’ are being ‘fast tracked’ up the ladder to the top jobs and soon this restructuring will be complete. I suspect that the regular police will eventually be used in a clerical role only while the operational duties will increasingly move to the new Community Support Officers – ‘Blunkets Brownshirts’.

This new police force will be known as the ‘New Konstabulary of the Verkrampt* Demokracy’ – the NKVD for short.

The NKVD can then send out armoured columns of ‘Blunkets Brownshirts’ into the countryside where the ‘fifth column’ of Islington second homers can finger all the Kulaks, Toffs and Hayseeds for rounding up. They can then be exiled to a remote and desolate part of the UK – Liverpool perhaps.

So what do I think? This foxhunting ban only makes sense if fishing, rat catching, Kosher and Halal butchery etc are also included. If not then it is purely a spiteful law aimed at one particular group of people. These other activities have to be included or the act repealed. I would also return the Police to a force that concentrates on crime and criminals rather than on targets, paper chasing, petty motoring offences and raising cash for the Exchequer. ‘Blunkets Brownshirts’ have far too much potential to become a state political police force that can sideline the proper police. I would disband them or integrate into the Police Force as police assistants.

* for those who are not fluent in Eurospek this is a continental sozialist verd that means ‘overly dogmatic’ and translates into English as ‘bigoted’.

Q 22    What would you do about the crisis in the quality of care in the National Health Service.

I would prohibit every one in the NHS administration (including their household/ family) over the pay grade equivalent of Major from belonging to any private health scheme. When ill they must be treated in the NHS and in the hospital in which they work or are responsible for. That way I think there will be a dramatic increase in standards very rapidly indeed.

n.b. The NHS Admin does not, of course, include medical staff.

Q 23                Mick   – How would you control the speeding of cars through villages and past schools.

There is speeding (which is really dangerous driving) and exceeding the speed limit (which is really just a technical offence). Depending upon the time of day, it is sometimes speeding but at another time it may only be exceeding the speed limit for the same stretch of road.

i.e. I would have a radar set that detects the speed of an approaching car and relate it to the time of day. If a car is approaching a school when there are likely to be kids about and the car is exceeding 20mph it would trigger a set of traffic lights to go red and so make the car stop for while. If it is 2-o-clock in the morning then the lights would trigger at 40mph. The same would apply for village and suburban roads.

We have the technology but of course this may not earn the local council so much money.

Q 24        What would you do about all the kids leaving school without any discipline or life skills?

Nearly all industries and companies are appalled at the poor level of literacy, commitment and competence of the school-leavers they try to recruit. Companies cannot afford to educate these kids or run apprenticeships because of excessive the costs piled on them now.

To help solve this I would expand the Territorial Army and change its remit so that these youngsters can voluntarily sign up for 5 years from 14 years old on. They would be taught to read and write properly, given an apprenticeship in the many trades that the country needs. Everything from diesel fitters to computer maintenance to stock control to nursing. They would also learn the basics of health, hygiene, looking after themselves, physical exercise and self discipline. It would be like a voluntary National Service.

When they leave the TA this country would have a pool of well adjusted, trained and educated people. They would be given priority when recruiting for the armed forces, police, firemen etc. should that be their choice of future work.

Q 25    What would you do about those who do not vote.

People don’t vote because they feel that it is a waste of time as all parties are the same. I would encourage voting by having all those who vote having their voting card stamped. They could then send it in with their tax return and get £100 deducted from their tax liability

Q 26        Mick -what is your opinion on the Gatso cameras being used for road safety? 

The Gatso cameras are OK if they are indeed used to keep cars at a safe speed but they seem to be by far revenue raisers with any traffic safety an incidental by-product.

I would suggest that every hundredths car caught on camera driving at, or below , the speed limit is awarded their following years road tax free. I would suggest that far more drivers would keep to the limit and there will be no hint of the Gatsos being used as a cash cows.

Q27 Mick – What would you do about MPs who forget their pre-election promises once elected.

They forget their promises because their party demands their obedience in exchange for helping them get elected into a very comfy lifestyle and they have 5 years to ignore the voters. To stop this I would require 20% of MPs to stand for election every year. Any reneging on election promises would then be quickly punished by the electorate. It would also make sure that the government does what the voters want.

Q 28        What would you do about all the prisoners living in holiday camp style conditions with play stations, TVs etc.

I would have a conveyer belt line set up in the prisons to handle household waste from the dustbin lorries. The prisoners can sort the rubbish into different types for recycling. From this they can earn points that gives them access to TV programmes, to purchase cigarettes, different fancy food from the standard prison fare (such as vegetarian or halal) etc. The more rubbish they separate out the more points they get. They can also accumulate points from working on these recycling lines to convert to cash when they leave prison.

Community Service sentences could also be spent on these recycling lines as well.

They will be doing their bit to save the planet.

Q 29       What would you do about trade Mick?

I would leave the EU and make the major ports around the UK Free Ports. Remove the majority of EU Regulations which are a ball and chain around the ankles of our industry.

Q 30    What would you do, Mick, about the Quangos?

A Quango is to move accountability for government decisions that may be very unpopular to an unelected and unaccountable body not subject to the Freedom of Information Act. The Quango’s side of this bargain is that selected ‘on message’ supporters of the government get gold plated jobs. The functions of many Quangos are often quite essential but they should be staffed with personnel who have first hand expertise, not for their political allegiance. They should also operate within the democratic system of accountability’. The ConDem coalition are claiming they will to have a major cull of many Quangos to improve accountability. However there is a very large coterie within the ConDem coalition Elite who are very keen on such unaccountability.

I would Privatise them.

Eg                    Let us take the case of – say – The Rhubarb Marketing Authority of appointed acolytes of the government paid for by a compulsory charge on the Rhubarb Industry.

The Quango would lose its unaccountable status and have to go around the Rhubarb Industry to convince the RI that it is worth to funding the RMA.

  1. The RMA would have 6 months to prepare themselves for becoming private and 6 months use of their existing office space before having to become fully self supporting.

Q 30  What do think about the police ‘arresting’ members of the public who report crimes? 

 I would dismiss the local police chief with full loss of pension rights for malfasance. 

Q 31 What will you do about the Travelers who trespass?

I would buy a very large caravan park in the south of France for them and give it too them so long as they stay there.

Q 32 What would you do about local traffic problems?
  • I would start a formal institute made up of representatives democratically elected members of from Motorists, cyclists , pedestrians, motorcyclists from local groups. They would have full control of all Road activities from parking to road signs and dealing with black spots, fines and appeals. The councils would have only an executive presence to institute the decisions of the Road and Traffic committee.
  • The committee members would have a tenure of 3 years then replaced by another from their group.


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